


Sunkissed Moonlight

by ugliegay



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Fluff, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-22 16:39:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11384181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ugliegay/pseuds/ugliegay
Summary: Asahi has a rough night and Nishinoya comes to the rescue.





	Sunkissed Moonlight

**Author's Note:**

> special thanks to [@hanasobah](https://twitter.com/hanasobah) and [@smol_bun](https://twitter.com/smol_bun)for beta'ing and making this perfect.
> 
> this is one of my three free commission giveaways, this one being for one of my dearest friends, [dyl](https://twitter.com/viktits). they are one of my dearest friends and i'm happy to provide some nice asanoya fluff.

_ La lune. _

In the Azumane household, all is quiet, dark, and tucked away and the bright cyan of Asahi’s alarm clock reflects saturated colors onto his ceiling. Asahi traces swirling patterns with his eyes. He can’t sleep. He never seems to be able to during the summer months.

White sheets strangle his oversized body as if he were wrapping himself in cloth before burial. In the 9 pm moonlight, Asahi takes comfort in that thought. Maybe, then all of his problems would go away and he could get a full night's rest.

Crickets chirp on, trying to lull him to sleep with their song, but it’s no use. Asahi has already gotten too lost in his own racing thoughts to even begin to calm down.

_ Grades. Your future. Remember that stupid thing you said to Tsukishima and then he mocked you, yeah that was pretty fucked up. Nishinoya Yuu’s eyes in the morning sunlight. What on earth are you planning on doing after graduation? Early morning practice. You should get to sleep. But, yet again, that stupid thing you said to Tsukishima was really dumb - _

He groans, running his sweating palms through his hair. The strands feel greasy and slick beneath his touch. In between his toes, perspiration meets the stuffy night air and a shiver runs down his spine. It’s not even that late but Asahi’s eyes are burning.

Before he can even register it, he’s tossing the sheets back. Tendrils are closing in, those slippery, black ribbons of panic are tightening in his chest and strangling around his chest. He desperately wants to stop thinking for just two seconds, just two seconds. Maybe then he could appreciate the beauty of the night. Or find peace enough to get rest before 7 am practice. That would be nice.

Asahi grinds the heel of his palms into his burning eyes. He lets out a low moan of frustration and wills his stupid mind to think of something good. Something calming.

_ Stupid. You’re stupid. That’s why Tsukishima mocked you. You’re a big, bumbling idiot. _

He’s shaking now, down to his very core. A cocktail of frustration, anger, and sadness bubbles up together and mixes violently, shaking his thoughts like a warm, fizzy drink until it all just  _ bursts _ . And this is bursting. Asahi’s heart beats swiftly, yet feebly in his aching chest. It’s so tight, too tight. His fingers quiver. His bottom lip wobbles.

The rational part of his mind is rolling its eyes.  _ Asahi _ , it’s saying,  _ none of those things are true. Please go to sleep before you start crying.  _

_ Pathetic. You’re so fucking pathetic, the irrational part adds on, just as fat, wet drops start to roll down his cheeks.  _

Asahi lets himself be consumed by short, quick breaths. He drowns under layer after layer of panic until there’s nothing else to suffocate under. He struggles to find a steady rhythm, especially with his mind flowing down, down, down…

And when he feels as if he’ll die if another tear comes rolling down his blotchy, red cheeks, he does as he has always done.

His face washes with silver moonlight as he turns to face the window and presses the call button under his favorite contact.

Nishinoya picks up on the third ring.

“Asahi?” comes a crackled voice, so distinct and so warm that it draws Asahi back to real life. The swirling, black ribbons loosen their hold.

He breathes out a shaky sigh of relief. “Noya.”

Asahi can’t deny how his stomach flips when he hears Noya say, “What’s wrong?”

A warmth far more pleasant than the summer heat spreads through his chest. His heart slows, just the slightest bit. 

He takes joy in the fact that Nishinoya can pick up on his mood by just the sound of his shaking voice. It’s always been that way with Nishinoya. Ever since that one fateful night during summer training camp of his second year, the one where he’d found Asahi balled up in the broom closet struggling to find breath, they’ve been like this. Nishinoya is an earthquake of a human being, but with Asahi, he knows how to steady the ground beneath his feet.

Asahi’s cat, appropriately named Marshmallow by his little brother, jumps onto the bed. Asahi gathers her into his lap. “I just…” He tries to force the words out, but they get stuck in his throat. “I’m…”

“It’s okay, Asahi, I’m coming over,” Nishinoya informs. There’s rustling sound as if he’s putting on his coat. “Make sure your window is open. I’ll be quiet.”

There’s an attempt to protest working its way up Asahi’s windpipe, but he swallows it. For once, he doesn’t care about getting in trouble with his parents. He  _ needs _ Nishinoya. 

“Thank you, Noya,” he whispers, running his shaking fingers through Marshmallow's fur. “You’re a very good friend.”

“Of course,” Nishinoya whips back. He’s as nonchalant as ever. He doesn’t treat Asahi as if he were a burden. It calms the waves of anxiety lapping at his brain. A tsunami turns into small tentative ripples.  

“Give me like, five minutes. I’m stopping by coach Ukai’s shop to pick up some ice cream. What flavor do you want?”

Asahi chuckles and sniffles a bit. “Is it even open?”

“He’ll open it for me,” Nishinoya replies. “Flavor?”

Asahi eyes the pure white of Marshmallow’s fur. “Vanilla.”

“Asahiiiiii, you’re so boring.”

“I suppose I am.”

A scoff comes over the line. “I’m bringing my PS4 and we’re gonna eat ice cream and cuddle until your anxiety is but a distant memory. I’ll see you soon Asahi!”

“Bye,” Asahi breathes to a line that already went dead. He chuckles to himself and feels the tendrils loosen even further. 

Perhaps he should wash his face, scrub it free of the dried tear tracks. Maybe, he should put his hair back up. He considers it for a moment, but then he remembers how Nishinoya likes to braid the long locks. He knows how it calms Asahi down and gives Nishinoya something to do with his hands. 

A small, lovesick smile cracks across Asahi’s face. God, he loves Nishinoya; he loves his best friend with his whole beating heart. 

He's known this for awhile, since a morning months ago when he caught Nishinoya staring off into the distance with tired eyes. His irises shone and glimmered like honey. He reminded Asahi of a warm cup of coffee in the early morning. Bathed in golden light, Nishinoya’s hard edges melted into soft curves. And Asahi knew, in that moment, that his heart belonged to Nishinoya Yuu.

And perhaps Nishinoya doesn’t love him back, but that won’t be so bad. As long as he gets to be close to Nishinoya, close to his heart, then Asahi was more than satisfied. A little disappointed, but satisfied. 

Besides, Nishinoya is already intimate enough with his closest friends. He’s known to press slobbery kisses to Tanaka’s forehead and cling onto Asahi’s body with all the strength in his little limbs. It’s enough to keep Asahi content.

But he always wonders, how it would feel like if Nishinoya wants more…

Asahi shakes his head. No way would Nishinoya ever want him like that. It would mess up their amazing friendship and make things awkward. Asahi never wants things to be awkward with Nishinoya.

With a small grunt, Asahi forces himself upright and opens the windows next to his bed. A blast of cool air hits his face. He breathes in through his nose, the smell of rain and grass filling his nostrils. 

It’s like opening the door in a stuffy room. The pressure of Asahi’s relentless mind lets up, and the headache that had been pounding at his skull starts to dissipate. Marshmallow rubs her head against his thigh.

And for a brief few moments, it’s like everything’s going to be okay. In the strangling humidity of the summer’s night, Asahi begins to pick up the broken pieces of his shattered thoughts. 

A pair of sparkling brown eyes pops up just over the top of Asahi’s window. “Hiya!” says Nishinoya, his small blond floof moving as he bops his head up. 

_ Le soleil. _

Startled by the sudden and rather loud noise that is Nishinoya presence, Asahi jumps and lets out a muffled squeak of surprise. “N-Nishinoya!” 

“Shhh. Ya gotta be quiet,” Nishinoya hushes, though he’s not attempting to be very quiet himself. With a couple of small, dedicated grunts, Nishinoya forces his body through the open window and directly into Asahi’s lap. Another yelp of surprise escapes Asahi as they tumble into each other.

Nishinoya wastes no time in wrapping his entire body around Asahi.

Bewildered surprise melts into affectionate giggling. Asahi lets himself smile and envelopes Nishinoya into a tight embrace.

And then his arms start to tremble. His hold on Nishinoya get stronger and more fierce. It’s as if he were clutching onto Nishinoya for dear life. 

“Noya,” Asahi breathes, his voice shaking. 

Though the tendrils slip, they're still there. Nishinoya’s very presence at his house is a reminder of that. His thoughts pick up in pace. All at once, Nishinoya turns into his lifeline. 

“S’okay Asahi,” Nishinoya whispers. He runs his hands through Asahi’s hair soothingly. “I've got you. It's gonna be alright. I've got you.”

Nishinoya is loud in nature. Though his physical self is quite small, his aura takes up entire rooms. With his footsteps, he carries thunder. His shout is laced with lighting. Nishinoya could tear down a mountain is he wished; he could part the sea. 

But his voice is….

“I'm here for you.”

… quiet. 

It's soft against his ear, melting like honey in the sun. It's a quiet cascade, a gentle stream that Asahi wants to drown himself in. 

Asahi nods.

Nishinoya Yuu is the sun. He casts light upon a darkened room, a darkened mind. He spreads a hesitant smile across Asahi’s face and keeps it there. Though Asahi’s hands tremble, his heart slows from an  _ allegro _ to an  _ andante. _

With reluctance, he peels himself away from Nishinoya. He scrubs his eyes with the heels of his palms and lets himself get a proper look at Nishinoya. Much to Asahi's surprise, his hair is down, flat against his forehead. His strand of blond ruffles under a stray night breeze. Asahi can't help but think of how beautiful he looks. 

Nishinoya cocks his head to the side and rubs the back of his head. And just like the flip of a switch:

“Can I sleep over? I already told my mom that I was but I never really asked you and I sorta just snuck in so…”

He props himself up, cross-legged with his gym shoes still laced around his tiny feet. It is in that moment that Asahi remembers exactly how _ small _ Nishinoya is compared to him. It's as if he could cradle Nishinoya in the palm of his hand. Asahi wants to capture him there and keep him near his heart. 

“Asahi?” Nishinoya inquires. 

Shaking his head, Asahi cracks a shy smile. “Yeah… sorry, I think it'll be okay. As long as you aren't too loud.”

“Great!” Nishinoya cranes his neck to the side, enough for Asahi to catch sight of a tan slip of fabric from underneath his shirt. 

Asahi gives Nishinoya a pointed glare. “You have to take off your binder before anything else.” His voice is an unwavering command. 

“Asahiiii, that's such a hassle,” Nishinoya drawls. “I can do it later.”

“What if you end up falling asleep?”

There's a beat of silence, a moment of contemplation before Asahi knows he's won the argument. It's a great relief to Asahi. He would never let Nishinoya get himself hurt on his watch. 

Nishinoya pushes his hair back out of his face and bites on his lip. In a moment of vulnerability, his voice sounds quieter than normal. “Just don't…” His eyes flit down to his chest as his fingers curl around the edges of his top. 

Asahi knows the end of that sentence all too well. He's heard it leave Nishinoya’s mouth dozens of time. And every time Asahi replies with, “Of course, Yuu.”

He'll never target Nishinoya at a point of insecurity. He'll never let Nishinoya get hurt. He’ll always understand because he is in love with him. 

A nervous bubble of laughter escapes from Nishinoya’s lips. “Good, good. I’ll just go to the bathroom and you can set up the PS4?”

“Sure thing.”

The bedroom lapses into silence again as he slips out the door and into the hall. Marshmallow follows him and he bends down to scoop her into his arms. Asahi has never seen something so endearing. 

When Nishinoya returns (Marshmallow happily perched upon his shoulder) Asahi has turned his floor into a pillow fort, set up the PS4, and opened up the tub of vanilla ice cream. It's the perfect distraction, Asahi thinks. Just Nishinoya and him, snuggling and goofing off. 

Asahi gives Nishinoya a bright smile and pats the spot on the ground next to him. 

Immediately, they settle into an all too familiar pattern. Nishinoya sits behind Asahi, his hands hurried in Asahi’s thick, shiny hair. He alternates between spooning ice cream into his mouth and doing a well practiced double French braid. For awhile, he lets Asahi play games in the quiet of the night. It's comforting, calming like a lullaby. 

Nishinoya is the first to break the silence. “Asahi, you know you're supposed to like-” he snorts out laughter “-break traffic laws right?” 

“Really?” 

That seems to send Nishinoya reeling with laughter. He leans back and kicks his feet as giggles run through his body. “Oh my god, Asahi, the title of the game is literally Grand Theft Auto.”

Asahi curls his lip. “Well, I've been doing perfectly fine being a model driver so far.”

He halts his character’s car at a stop light in demonstration. And Nishinoya just loses it. 

“Asahi,” he breathes, spawning with giggles. “Oh my god, Asahi. Here. Here.” He leans closer, pressing his chest flush to Asahi’s back and reaching his arms around to grab the controller. Asahi prays that Nishinoya doesn't detect the blush that has surely spread across the bridge of his nose. “I’ll help you.”

Nishinoya's significantly smaller hands wrap around Asahi’s. With a manic chuckle, he guns the car forward…

… crashing it into a bridge and killing Asahi’s character. 

“Noya!” he exclaims, though he too is now losing himself to the giddiness and the feeling of Nishinoya being so close. 

Nishinoya crawls around Asahi’s body and settles himself in his lap. “I'm sorry,” he says without sounding even the least bit sorry. There's a flush of pink clearly growing on the bridge of his nose and a light dusting of freckles Asahi’s never seen before. 

He squints. And for some reason, he leans down. 

The laughter melts into quiet. There's no noise except for their labored breathing. 

“Asahi,” Nishinoya whispers. 

“I never knew you had freckles,” Asahi says, voice soft and shaky. 

“Yeah… I get them over the summer but they usually fade by…”

He trails off, seemingly entranced by Asahi’s gaze. 

“Asahi, you're very pretty. Did you know that?” 

The words are like music to Asahi's ears, crossing a line that's definitely not platonic. Not with the way Nishinoya is looking at him, at least. There are waves and waves of second-guessing lapping at his mind, but they all seem to fade away when he runs his eyes across Nishinoya’s face. They stop at his lips, shining in the moonlight. 

“Asahi, can I… kiss you?” he asks, timid in a way unlike Asahi's ever seen before. 

“Yeah…” Asahi breathes. He's never been so sure about anything in his life. 

He slips his palm beneath Nishinoya’s head, threading his fingers through the inky black strands. Swooping his head down, he cover’s Nishinoya's mouth with his own. 

It's frustratingly slow and heart-poundingly fast all in the same instance. Nishinoya's lips kiss him back with steady urgency, their noses bumping up against each other and rubbing with the odd angle they've positioned themselves in. Nishinoya throws his arms around Asahi’s neck and drags him down until he’s caught Nishinoya in a straddle. Quiet, guttural noises fill the room. 

Mentally, Asahi isn't there. He's risen to some sort of plane of higher existence in which his anxiety is cured and all he can taste is the ghost of vanilla ice cream on Nishinoya’s lips. His heart is racing and hands are shaking, but this time it's because he's happy. The boy he’s been in love with for a year and a half seemingly loves him back. 

For once, he lets his mind go blank. 

“I've been waiting so long…” he whispers, pressing their foreheads together. He's breathless and a string of saliva hangs from his mouth, but he couldn’t care less for the time being. 

Nishinoya laughs, equally as breathless. “Yeah, same…”

“Wait really?” Asahi straightens up and sits back on his heels. 

Nishinoya follows him, leaning his body upright. “Yeah, you big goof, do you know how hot you are?” His eyes crinkle at the corners as he smiles, taking Asahi’s blushing face into his palms. 

“I didn't rea-”

“And kind and smart and incredibly adorable. You make my heart go  _ whoosh _ , Asahi,” he explains. 

Asahi just sits there, lets himself absorb the words, before he replies, “I love you, too.”

The pair dissolves into another kiss, burning with intensity and the pleasant feeling of requited love. 

They fall asleep curled against each other that night. Cool summer air breezes through the slightly open window, taking all of Asahi’s worries with it. Come tomorrow, there will be more things for his mind to obsess and scrutinize over, but for now, it’s gone. The tendrils of black have retreated and when they return next time, Nishinoya will be there. Asahi’s no longer alone in his battles. 

Before he slips under the dark curtains of sleep, he sneaks himself one last, self-indulgent peak at Nishinoya's face. It’s smooth and calm, unanimated by his lightning rod personality, but still just as beautiful. 

Perhaps Asahi was never alone in the first place. 

**Author's Note:**

> any and all comments, kudos, and/or reads are much appreciated. come visit me on twitter (@ugliegay) if u wanna scream to me some more about haikyuu.


End file.
